As I began to open
There was a pain
So deep
That I started to crack
Hurtful hurt

It was only a wound
I reminded myself again
But this one was worse
No doctors, no nurses
No hospitals, no churches

Alone.

Thinking back to the beginning
How it started, how’s it going
Where the time went
Before any infliction
I was here, now
But where had I been?

Not with you
As you weren’t there
Separate planes, different flights
At times
We weren’t even in the same sky

I bled more
‘Til my face was pale
But worser, red circles
Around my eyes
So blue, but only to drown

A clean shot had flushed through
Chest, neck, and shoulder
You don’t know broken
Until you’re torn
And torn pieces
Made to glass and shattered

But it was me…
I bought the gun
I supplied the bullets
I chose the path and walked it
Doing so in the dark
And, as consequence
Fired the shot

I didn’t jump or run
I stood there
And graced my own bullets
It was my crossfire
A Hell only I could create

I enjoyed the pain then
I welcomed it, fed it
I cooked it dinner
Gave it a home
Here, you can stay right here
Always with me

My love, my joy
Come towards me
Help me hurt
Take me down and beat me
Give me all I can’t handle

Don’t heal me.

No doctors, no nurses
No hospitals, no churches
Leave me with her, my pain
And let me bleed out