When I look back at your face
I see a broken imagery
Of the emotions that were in your place

Wood scratched from vintage tables
Chipped pieces fall to floor
Always so worried about labels
Never about making it anymore

So I chose to be loved by many
And you decided to choose me
But above everything so plenty
You made the wrong choice times three

Torn carpet rips under feet
Shreds of fabric in a tangle
Words don’t come on an open sheet
But in my life, at an angle

There are things in my world
That are so airtight
There are things I keep curled
That are ready for flight

But many just watch, sitting
And I sit by while they stare
Isn’t it so fitting
Isn’t it so fair

I truly take the time
They abuse it at every turn
But at the drop of a dime
Sure, go get it, and burn

Because I’ve tried so hard
And let so much go
I’ve slept behind bars
And said I’ll go with the flow

But the truth is I’ve loved
And I’ve loved
And I’ve loved
And I’ve loved

Your heart, my heart, our heart
The bystander of any
But I love too hard
To be loved by many

a smile that could light up a thousand rooms
humor that can sting the sharpest soul
will you allow yourself to fall
double-down and let roll?

of roses red
and violets blue
these are the questions
to fall in love with you.

control your emotions
reel them into thread
push through dark needles
and put your thoughts to bed?

of roads red
and violets blue
not to be mistaken
what this can do to you.

when you don’t want the world to know
the shelter you need
allow your walks to get longer
allow that blood to bleed?

of roses red
and violence blue
these are the answers
I’ll forever need from you.

I think I’m going to choose to be happy

Yes

I’m going to choose to be happy

The choice is made

Here I am

Hello

Goodnight

As I began to open
There was a pain
So deep
That I started to crack
Hurtful hurt

It was only a wound
I reminded myself again
But this one was worse
No doctors, no nurses
No hospitals, no churches

Alone.

Thinking back to the beginning
How it started, how’s it going
Where the time went
Before any infliction
I was here, now
But where had I been?

Not with you
As you weren’t there
Separate planes, different flights
At times
We weren’t even in the same sky

I bled more
‘Til my face was pale
But worser, red circles
Around my eyes
So blue, but only to drown

A clean shot had flushed through
Chest, neck, and shoulder
You don’t know broken
Until you’re torn
And torn pieces
Made to glass and shattered

But it was me…
I bought the gun
I supplied the bullets
I chose the path and walked it
Doing so in the dark
And, as consequence
Fired the shot

I didn’t jump or run
I stood there
And graced my own bullets
It was my crossfire
A Hell only I could create

I enjoyed the pain then
I welcomed it, fed it
I cooked it dinner
Gave it a home
Here, you can stay right here
Always with me

My love, my joy
Come towards me
Help me hurt
Take me down and beat me
Give me all I can’t handle

Don’t heal me.

No doctors, no nurses
No hospitals, no churches
Leave me with her, my pain
And let me bleed out

Brick by brick
And lesson plans
A calendar full
A river wide
And an open heart

Thoughts prevail
This time, they’re good
I am here, today
Brick by brick
And calls on hold

Sidetracked
Overflowing emotional wave
Undercutting abusive gains
Ropes in knots
Stagnant stay

Brick by brick
Lights stop, lights go
Fountain protruding sky
That closed-off bridge
Now solid, covered floor

For you, I’m complete
Even with the score
I am gone, tomorrow
Brick by brick
And hearts secure

Sidetracked
Shards of glass
Weeds upon bushes
Uncut the masses
Here I lay

Brick by brick
Buildings hold
Arches high
Flags gusting in wind
But I’m already folded

Cracks in faults
Ground shaking
Eyes awakening
Brick by brick
Dust to dust

Sidetracked, but on track
To create
Something beautiful
Something beautiful
Brick by brick

Problems today
Turn into solutions tomorrow
Seeds that are planted
Will grow or they won’t
Let them breathe ’til death
Let them suffocate while alive
Space is as given from
To be alive is to water those problems
To be alive is to plant those seeds
To be alive is to water one’s life
Suffocate now to breathe later

The purpose of walls, as told
Were never to separate floors built
To stop those from getting in
But to build windows
And doors and stairwells

There was never a paint
Meant to dry and never be painted again
A brick laid not to be replaced
Or covered, or damaged
All temporary, all for the purpose of structure

Never an aperture
That was to be left closed
A door left locked
For our purposes only
These things stayed closed

Torn down
Painted over
Walked up
Looked through
Unlocked

For our purposes only
These things were opened

You want to put me down
Because I’m weak when I’m down
You like me weak
Because then I’m yours

Safe and sound
Under your high-strung throne
You control my every move
You control my every move

I’ll wait so patiently
For your heal to withdraw
But it won’t, and I’ll wait
The sea will dry, and I’ll wait

I won’t speak as you talk
Attentive, I wait
Underground noises
Skies hear, least you forgot

As windows hang high
Your hands lay low
I’m strangled by your eyes
Defecating, blank glare
Keep staring
Eyes wide open

If the walls were elongated

If the fences stopped growing

When would grass know to end?

When would paint cease to dry?

I’ll seek it ‘til the day I die
Whoever I hurt along the way
Will live with the pain
As I row the boat
Tipping over it has
Capsized
And I’ve lived
And I’ve drowned